The Failed Species

After a treble heart bypass, New Zealander 62-year-old Leech, realises he is mortal and starts to appreciate that he's been lied to and cheated all his life. The social injustices continue unabated and he defensively allows his imagination to take over and lead him to a fantasy world of honesty. One day the fantasy turns into reality and he is contacted by a weird bird (Power Dip) who eventually offers him eternal life plus three days, in exchange for the job of administrator to all universes. He teaches him time travel and Galaxy Gazing (GG), eg, moving from one place to another at the rhyme of a poem.

Using telepathy he has talked to Bonnie and Clyde and young Adolf for a couple of years, but now meets the very much alive but allegedly extinct Moa that live above his house in bush-covered NZ. His Maori thirty year lover, Lyndia, is kept in the dark as to his aspirations and although she time travels with him, he has trained her to forget their out of world adventures at the snap of a finger.

After learning he has been infertile all his life, despite being the alleged father of four children and Lyndia complaining bitterly that he is a pencil without lead. Leech heroically decides to drink himself to death in his front garden in the longest suicide attempt ever recorded, as cited by the Guinness Book of Records.

In the meantime Lyndia studies ancient Maori culture aided by numerous bottles of sherry and her much loved Nana, an old Maori Quia (wise old lady).

Power Dip explains that Leech's commonsense; honesty, decency, imagination, sense of humour and ability to play with words, are the perfect qualifications for the job of controlling the futuristic future one could ever imagine for the forthcoming hereafter. He also points out that mankind is a failed species and will survive another 200 years at the most. There is however, another equally qualified candidate for Power Dip's consideration.

Naturally Leech hesitates as to the implications of living forever plus three days without his Lyndia, or being permanently dead within ten years without the three days, as advised by his Dr Zivargo from Saint Petersburg. The updated misery of his life causes him to mentally switch from one outrageous conceptual mood to another at a sip of his red wine (Omega 3) health tonic.

Regarded by all as a complete nutcase Leech and his suicide attempt become world famous after television's alleged David Frost becomes involved.

At Power Dip's suggestion, Leech takes Lyndia to a conference on the planet Bondage that ties them up for a few months, and wins the homage of 2,000 extraterrestrials in plastic bubbles as their future leader. He is assisted by Lyndia's ampleness.

Back on Earth, crunch time arrives and Leech is advised of Power Dip's decision.